Something's Coming

In the next week or so I will start posting regularly. I plan on covering Meniere's facts and treatments, exercise, eating healthier, and other off topic things that come to mind. I will be working on trying to reach others that live with chronic illness and try to make the most of every day. See you soon...

Kitty Pictures

I have been so busy with work and family this week that I can hardly think. Every afternoon this week I have fallen asleep in the chair which is something I never do. As a result, my balance is way off and my mood is horrible. The best remedy I have found for my crabbiness is a cuddle with one of my kitties. Usually it is Thor because he loves to lay in laps and his purring relaxes me. Just one look in his yellow-green eyes and I forget what's bothering me. Just look at that face. Who can't feel better?

Holiday

This year I was really worried about July 4. I'm not taking as many meds as I have in past years, so I was afraid I would have an attack of the spins. I knew I couldn't do fireworks with the noise and constant looking up which I knew would trigger vertigo. I wanted to enjoy this long weekend like everyone else, but I can't. What would I do?

I am very fortunate to have some of the best friends in the world. One of them just moved into a house in the country last month and invited the family out to celebrate the 4th and have a bonfire. We had such a great time. Even Tim came after work and he never wants to go anywhere. Debbie is so much fun to be around, and there were so many laughs. I even caught Alexis laughing really hard a few times. The bonfire was nice and we got to roast marshmallows and the girls lit sparklers. And we got to see fireworks in the distance. We saw 3 big show and 2 displays that were put on my neighbors. What was so nice about it for me was that they were far enough away that the sound didn't bother me and I made it through the night without spinning.

I was completely knackered today though. So much work needed to be done, so I tried to balance it out with breaks through the day to help. I still feel like I need a few days off, but I think I will be fine. I seem to be adjusting to this latest drop in hearing, but my attitude needs a lot of work. It still isn't fair, but I wasn't promised a life free of challenges.

Summer Memories

Last year at this time my husband, daughters and I spent a week at a cabin in the Hocking Hills. It was such a nice escape from our everyday life. I have been itching to get back for another week to relax. Unfortunately I am unable to take a vacation until sometime in the fall due to work commitments, so I will have to settle for maybe a weekend sometime and the many pictures of our many trips to the hills.

New Addition

We have a new addition to our family. As you can see he is a ginger and adorable and it was love at first sight. His name is Rooney, and no he wasn't named after Mickey even though my husband likes to joke that it is. He doesn't know funny anyway. He's named after Wayne Rooney since I'm a huge Man U fan. He's fitting right in to our crew with very little problems. Just two of the other cats didn't seem happy at first, but they are now tolerating him. He's a typical crazy ginge, but that's what I like about him. In these pictures, he is cuddling up to a sleeping Nia. Now why am I taking on even more work and stress when I really need less? Just look at that face - how can you not?

The Treatment Is Part Of The Problem

I've been feeling antsy lately. I'm not exactly sure why, but it could be one of many reasons. Or it could be several little things. I'm sure turning 40 and taking stock of where I am and where I wanted to be play a part. This seems to be a common thing among my friends of this age, but I wonder if I am more aware because of current circumstances. I've spent the last 10 plus years dealing with a chronic illness that is slowly breaking me down. I've also spent many years experimenting with drugs, and not the recreational kind. That has had as much of an effect on me as the illness.

I have been on so many medication regimens over the years that I've lost count. None have done what the doctors wanted and just made me more miserable. Right now I am down to two medications and I'm trying to work on getting off of those. A month ago I weaned off of two meds that may have been helping slightly, but the side effects weren't worth any benefit. A month on, I'm finally free of the horrible withdrawal symptoms I was suffering. Oh yeah and my doctor said there wouldn't be any. I love her to death, but sometimes she can be wrong. Also I have finally stopped eating like there was no tomorrow. I intellectually understand how medicine is supposed to make me feel better, but if they make me gain an enormous amount of weight, isn't that not good? Well I actually feel better now, but face the long road of trying to get this weight off. Unfortunately I've been through this before with meds and I'm determined not to go through this again.

My mind is finally clear for the first time in years. It is really hard to explain what has been going on. I am starting to feel like I am taking more of an active role in dealing with my illness and exploring more natural treatments. I'm sure it won't be easy and maybe I won't get better, but I'm willing to try even if nothing works. You see I feel like Meniere's has taken over my life for a reason. I may actually be open to finding out the reason instead of trying to pretend to be normal so the people around me don't have to face uncomfortable truths. I tiptoe around not wanting to upset people, but honestly this is what I deal with. I have been blessed though with some incredible friends and family who are there to support me and I can't thank them enough. The way I look at it now is I may not get better, but I'm going to do my best to feel better.

Lessons Learned From My Father

My relationship with my father has had many ups and downs throughout my life, but through it all he is still my dad. He's far from perfect and has never claimed to be, but I have learned a lot of life lessons from him that have proved invaluable.

1. You can have disagreements without having arguments

In all my life, my dad is the only person who I have ever been able to have an intelligent debate with. I really hate conflict. I mean real conflict that dissolves into name calling and resembles a verbal boxing match. They always seem to turn personal. Yeah yeah tell me all you want that you are just having an intelligent discussion, but I know the truth. My dad and I have discussed what would be considered "hot button" issues without throwing one verbal barb at each other, and we were on opposite sides. I think part of this is that my dad is one of the smartest people I know and he doesn't worry about being right all the time. He never changed my position once, but I could really understand his positions and why he believes what he does.

2. It Is Actions, Not Words That Matter

This has been a pretty easy lesson to learn because my dad is a man of few words. He has always put family first, even when I thought he didn't. He always worked more than one job to provide for his family. Even though my mom worked, she didn't have to. On holidays, he was always at work, either at the fire department or on the medical helicopter. That's just what he did. His job was saving lives and you can't schedule that 9 to 5. This may be where I got my insane need to help and serve others.

3. Bad Things Happen, Move On

Everyone has had bad things happen in their lives. My father is no exception. The difference is he doesn't let them define who he is. He just moves on and leaves the past in the past. He has taught me that you can be victimized, but you don't have to be a victim. And before you think it is easy for me to say something like that, I have had more than my share of terrible things happen to me. It takes effort to get past the pain, but if you dwell on the past you won't be able to enjoy the present.

4. No Matter What, We're Family

That's basically my dad in a nutshell. No matter what happens in life, we're family and we take care of each other. No matter what has gone on between us, we will stick together when times are tough. When I was at my lowest point and didn't know what to do, my dad stepped up and saved the day. He's always doing that even if you don't ask. And if you do ask, he won't turn you away. He will stand up for you no matter what. I am the same way with my kids and family. You have to go through me to get to my family. And God help you if you try. Actually you'll have to go through my dad to get to me. And you will definitely need God's help.

There are many more lessons I've learned from my dad, but that's all I've got right now. The top picture is probably my favorite of my dad and my son. I love the one below also. This sums him up to me. Once he became a grandfather, it was like he started his second life. He has always done everything for them and even though the girls are in high school and my son is an adult, he still loves to spend time with them. I love the pictures of my dad and my son because they have a special bond. He was the first grandchild and only grandson, so my dad has a different relationship to him than the others. Not better, but different. Boys are something else and my son is no exception. Watching him with my kids makes me look forward to possibly having some of my own in the future.

One important lesson I have tried to teach my son also came from my dad. It is the first part of my favorite quote of his. It is a man takes care of his family. My dad said this to me years ago when I was undergoing some hard times. He sat me down and said, "A man takes care of his family and _______ is not a man." It's not important who he was referring to, it is the first part of the sentence that counts. And that is my dad, not just a man but an amazing man.