Thursday, August 12, 2010

Be Still

I was fortunate enough to take a couple of days off work recently. It was sorely needed and gave me a chance to really be alone if you don't count all the dogs and cats in the house. I got to spend some time really taking care of myself and making plans that could change my life. Normally when I am home there is always someone around and I always have something to do. I figure there isn't enough time in the day to do everything I want so I do several things at once. It has gotten so bad that I have taken to watching tv while reading. It really is insane, but I can't help but get caught up in the rush rush of American society. That doesn't work with someone who has a chronic illness. Actually, this mindset isn't good for anybody. So with my body failing, my nerves shot and my energy depleted, I decided I needed a couple of days to really get some rest.

My first morning didn't start the way I wanted because I couldn't sleep in. Normally I feed the cats when I get up and my husband feeds the dogs when he gets up later. I was hoping he would take care of everything and I could just stay in bed, but things don't always work out the way I planned. He decided the cats could wait and he just went about his normal morning routine. This leaves me with some hungry cats that needed food immediately and aren't above resorting to physical means to wake me up. My mood started out all wrong, but I figured it would be fine after my husband left because he couldn't do anything else to mess up my day. I'm sure he doesn't mean to do the things he does, but sometimes I get the feeling he was sent to make things harder for me. I decided to make a smoothie since we had some really good fruit. All I did was throw some pineapple, mango, and blueberries in my blender and added some mango nectar, some almonds and wheat germ. It was really good.

I've made several medication changes over the last month that I think actually are helping me now. I'm eating much better and a lot less. One thing I haven't been doing enough of is exercise because of the pain in my heel. In the last couple of weeks that has been improving and I'm actually having some moments where I'm pain free. My head is clearer and my ears aren't as bad as they were last month. My recent hearing loss hasn't improved, but I didn't expect any changes. Through the course of this illness I have had times where things have improved to the point where I have been considered in remission, but I have never had my hearing return to normal. Meniere's is taking my hearing little by little and won't give it back. I am so fortunate for the good times now that I don't get as upset about my limitations. I figure if things get really bad Max will be my service dog.

During my time off I also had a chance to just be still and be quiet. I made some decisions that I hope my family will support. For years my husband and I have had a plan to move when the youngest child graduates. That is now four years away, but we have been counting down for years. We tossed around several states we wanted to move to, but never really settled on one place. Over the years I keep being drawn to one place over and over again. During my quiet time I actually came to the conclusion that there was a reason I was being drawn to that state and that is where I belong. Very rarely have I had this much peace about a decision so I know this is right. It is so exciting to be on this adventure. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.